Dear Mom and Dad,
Hi! Oh my gosh…I am so glad to be writing to you! I miss you! Gosh, how I miss you - each and every day. Just today, Mom, Chuck sent a picture of you, Aunt Rita, Aunt Jane, Aunt Anne, Chuck, Meaghan and me. What a delight it was to see you! We were up at the farm. I have no idea when it was taken - hopefully Chuck will know. You looked beautiful and happy as always.
And Dad - gosh, who knows when the last picture of you was taken? Christmas of ‘94? Do we even have a picture of that Christmas? I hope so. Cameras are everywhere now and everything is documented - and I mean everything!
I’m here at El Retiro - my favorite spot in the world, on an 8 day silent retreat. Mom, you must’ve heard me talk about it. I love it here! So peaceful, serene, calm and beautiful. I come here to pray, to be silent, to recharge/replenish, to be grateful and just to BE.
One of the things I am always most grateful for is you giving me the gift of my faith. Without my faith, I wouldn’t be here, literally, and I don’t know where I’d be, figuratively. It is my core. As Susie, a friend of mine says, “I lead with my faith.” All because of you ~ so thank you.
I assume you know everything that has gone on with me since you died. Certainly there have been ups and downs. The greatest gift has been Patsy! What a joy! A delight! A miracle! You will LOVE her when you get the chance to meet her someday in heaven! She’s funny, sweet, spunky, smart, sporty and just happy! I’ve called her Happy Patsy since she was born. I’m forever sad that you aren’t alive to know her and see her grow up. That would be so wonderful for her to have you in her life.
The downs of my life have certainly brought me challenges. Though I am strong and I am a warrior, I would like to ask you for your prayers, your compassion, your sympathy and of course your continual love. I draw strength from you and all that you taught me. I didn't want the downs to be part of my life story and I accept that they are. I keep my eye on positive things - first and foremost that I always wanted to be a mom and I have that! There is no greater gift.
Do - please, please, please - visit me in my dreams, send me messages or signs, bring people into my life who will be on Team Ellen, and above all else - continue to love me into being, each day, with each breath, you who both first gave me life.
I love you,
I trust you,
I thank you.
Always and Forever, Ellen
Ellen Kelly is a spiritual director. She earned a MTS from The Jesuit School of Theology