Forgiving can be hard. Our Christian faith tells us it is important to forgive. But when we have suffered harm, our feelings of anger and resentment and the impulse to “get even” can overpower any thought of forgiving.
Why? Why is it sometimes so difficult to forgive? What are we even doing when we try to forgive? And what do our efforts to forgive (or not) really have to do with our Christian faith? What does forgiving really accomplish?
Since early adulthood, I have struggled with these questions. They are personal. My own experience of childhood trauma left me with a lot to forgive. Throughout my life as a Jesuit, when the theme of forgiveness has surfaced—in pastoral conversations, when preaching—I have found that the popular wisdom I received often didn’t hold together very well. The answers it provided did not satisfy. That set me on a journey of exploration. It took me many years to finally express what I had come to understand about forgiveness in Rethinking Christian Forgiveness: Theological, Philosophical, and Psychological Explorations (Liturgical Press: Collegeville, MN. 2015).
Over the years since the publication of that work, I have had the privilege of sharing what I have learned with many different groups: psychiatric nurses and nursing students, school administrators, veterans, Jesuits in formation, and lay men and women in various settings. Most recently, since joining the staff at the Jesuit Retreat Center of Los Altos, I have had the privilege of sharing what I have learned in a three-day, interactive, retreat workshop called, “Forgiveness and the Kingdom of God”.
“Forgiveness and the Kingdom of God” invites retreatants to bring their own struggles to forgive into dialogue with input on forgiving as a basic human enactment and on God’s way of forgiving as revealed in Jesus. This allows us to expand our vision of forgiving and its relationship to Christian discipleship through reflection, conversation, and prayer.
At no point in this process is anyone pressured to forgive the harm they have experienced. “Shoulds” are not allowed! Rather, a deepening understanding of forgiving and its relationship to the Kingdom of God opens a space within which participants can prayerfully consider where the Lord might be inviting them on their journey of faith as they live and work with the pain of the harm they have experienced.
Feedback from participants in this retreat has been very positive. Let me share a few comments I have received.
"When I saw the retreat on forgiveness, I thought ‘If not now, when? When it’s too late to do much good?’. If you’re anything like me, I push away unpleasant and painful thoughts, thinking that I will face them when I have more time, or feel stronger. The chance to work on forgiving a few folks for some grievous injuries always felt like too much for me, but the chance to work with a priest who literally wrote a book on forgiveness, in a beautiful, tranquil setting, moved me to overcome my procrastination and inertia around the forgiveness work I knew I needed to do. I’m so glad I did. On this retreat we looked at forgiveness from many angles, from philosophical to Biblical. Hearing others bravely share their stories helped me face my own.” Joan
“Fr. Voiss’ insightful presentations offered me a fresh perspective on Christian forgiveness and reconciliation. The retreat focused on the meaning of forgiveness in Christianity and the Lord’s invitation to forgive others and ourselves, emphasizing the importance of approaching forgiveness with kindness and love. Fr. Voiss gently guided us toward a deeper understanding of Christian forgiveness and reconciliation. If you’re grappling with the challenge of forgiveness, this retreat is for you.” James
“Fr. Jim’s Forgiveness and the Kingdom of God Retreat was very helpful to me in my journey of forgiveness. His framework for understanding harm, forgiveness and reconciliation was so insightful. It helped me to realize that forgiveness is an ongoing process and also can be a spiritual awakening in asking for God’s help. This retreat will leave you thinking and give you a path forward on your own forgiveness journey.” M.
“I came into the retreat with a deep anger towards not just the people who’ve done me real harm, but towards myself. That anger has been a weight around my neck for decades. The most helpful lesson I took away from the retreat was that God has forgiven me. I sort of knew prior, but I hadn’t really considered it. Being unable to forgive myself for my failures has led me to despair. I still struggle at times, but I’m in a much better place.” N.
If this sounds like something you might find beneficial in your own faith journey, I invite you to consider taking part in our next offering, January 24-26, 2025. For registration information, please use the link below.
Fr. Jim Voiss, S.J., is new to our team. A theologian by training, having completed his Ph.D. in Systematic Theology at the University of Notre Dame in 2000, Fr. Jim developed his retreat directing skills here at Los Altos through his participation in our summer program for directing the Spiritual Exercises in 2008. Fr. Jim’s primary work was in higher education with stints at Saint Louis University, Gonzaga University, and Marquette University. Throughout his time in the academic arena, Fr. Jim has been active as a spiritual director and retreat director. His scholarly and pastoral experience provided the foundation for his book, Rethinking Christian Forgiveness: Theological, Philosophical, and Psychological Explorations (Liturgical Press: Collegeville, MN, 2015).
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